Thoughts...

Over the years I got used to luxury. I started my ‘world trip’ with 700 Deutsche Mark (today this would be about 350 Euros) and at certain times had to share an apartment with 5 toothless people or with 4 filthy students, drink tap water and fast and even ask my friends to help me out because I didn’t have any money...And at one point, I started having a maid, a secretary, a driver, a gardener...I would buy whatever I felt like without looking at the price and fly to wherever I felt like without thinking twice about it, go to the beauty salon to get my nails and hair done...the usual question here is: did it make me happier? Well, I can say for sure without even thinking twice: it didn’t! I must admit that I really hated the times when I had to count every single coin...but the more money I had, the less I would appreciate what I would get for it...I would jet around the world and so what, before I was in heaven when I could afford one holiday to Greece and I would never ever forget this experience and now I would barely remember the last trip...It became a fast life, so fast that I couldn’t keep pace...Well, I just thought about this because now all of a sudden I am back to zero. I just went shopping and only bought DVDs that wouldn’t cost more than 5 francs and then wondered if I should have rented, looked at shoes that would be the cheapest of the cheapest and still ask myself if I would really need them...I live in a caravan that is the size of a shoe box, shower in the dog’s shower, wear clothes that I wore when I was 15 and book hotel rooms where you have to share a shower with the whole floor...And the funny thing is that I feel truly happy. In the morning I walk out of my caravan and step right into the nature, I walk above the fog like on clouds and see the sun coming out and its soft rays penetrating the forest exposing all its autumn colours. Every morning, Liwa leads the way with her self-confident little terrier walk and Paulo strolls behind me in his relaxed Saluki path...When I come back from my morning walk, I feel fresh and full with energy. What I realize is that here I have nothing to worry about because I have nothing to lose and this gives me the peace I need...Each time I think about going back home I get nervous (actually I am terrified) because I will have to start worrying about all those things that I don’t really care about: about all the money (to be more precise, all my savings) that I invested into apartments which are not doing too well these days, about going to court because of corrupted real estate deals, about not having a real home because prices just went mad and over there you don’t really have anything in-between (it’s either a 5 star mansion or a prison and don’t even think about living in a caravan – that’s why we decided to live on a yacht...), about going to high society receptions where I have nothing to say, about dealing with superficial people every day with whom I have nothing to share...It’s really funny, I really don’t have anything over here and I look like an fff (filthy fat farmer girl) and I really don’t miss anything...I mean, in terms of’things’...I of course miss being with Suhail (my fiancée), our romantic weekends on Abu Dhabi’s deserted islands and the overwhelming silence of the desert...I don’t want to say that everything is negative back home, the point is that having not much but the essential to live, being in the middle of nature and being surrounded by very special people that I connect with and having a job that I am completely passionate about is nearly enough to make me happy...love is the only thing missing...